Entry #010 – You Only Can Do What You Do

If you have ever walked into a room and felt it in your shoulders before anyone said a word, you already understand what this entry is about.

Some places make people decide fast. Some people decide faster. They look at you, they take one detail, and they fill in the rest on their own. Sometimes it is flattering. Sometimes it is unfair. Sometimes it is dangerous. Most of the time, it is not about you at all. It is about what they need you to be in their head so the world makes sense again.

This morning, Charles and Todd go out together for coffee and food. They do it for the simple reason you already know if you have ever been responsible for someone else. Two people are harder to corner than one. Two sets of eyes catch more than one. And if you are the person everyone seems to notice, staying behind for a little while can be the safer choice.

So I am in our room above the inn. The door is shut. The building is settling. The city is awake outside the window, but I do not let myself stare too long, because I know what it feels like to be watched.

And in that quiet, I write. Not because I have a perfect answer for you. Because writing forces me to be honest about what is mine to carry and what is not. It keeps me from trying to solve people like they are math problems. It keeps me from spending my whole day chasing a version of control that does not exist.

This entry is built around two lines that sound simple until you try to live them.

You can only do what you can do.

That does not mean you stop caring. It means you start with the part you actually control. Your words. Your tone. Your distance. Your decision to stay or leave. Your choice to pay what is fair. Your choice to accept help or refuse it. Your choice to pause before you answer when someone tries to pull you into their heat. Those are real. Those belong to you. They are not small.

What you affect comes second. You can ask. You can offer. You can explain once, maybe twice, if the moment is safe and the person is listening. You can try to lower the temperature of a room by being steady inside it. But you cannot make someone believe you. You cannot make someone calm down. You cannot make someone let go of a story they have been feeding for years. You can be kind, and still be misunderstood. You can be honest, and still be assigned a role you never asked for.

Attitude, behavior, and actions are your choice.

This is the responsibility part. Not the slogan part. The daily part. Attitude is what you feed inside your own head after the first feeling shows up. Behavior is what you show even when your stomach is tight. Actions are the next small steps that make your life either cleaner or harder, depending on what you choose.

I use my situation as evidence, because I am living in a city that carries its history in the open, and the people here treat that history like it is still happening. That means their assumptions can arrive before I do. But the point of this entry is not my city. It is you.

If you are tired of trying to manage everyone’s reaction, this entry gives you a simple way to sort the day. Start with what is yours. Do what you can to affect what is close. Then let the rest stay with the people who own it. That is not giving up. That is refusing to spend your life trying to move what will not move.

Below, you will find the free download of the chapter in two print formats. Choose Half Letter or US Letter, depending on how you like to print and read. The text is the same in both.

I hope this one meets you where you are.